Aftermath: Friends and Freak-outs (Grieving Futures)
Freak-outs for mourners are moments where we are out-of-sync with our own personality, those times when those who know us best give us strange looks followed by “how are you doing?” And we do not understand why they are asking.
Relaunch – again
I think maybe I've finally nailed this beast. Check out the updated About This Blog page for the full low-down of the new mission, but suffice to say, the focus has narrowed down to what is probably a really small demographic (because that's how I roll): Grief without...
Independence Day, 1996 – letter to a dead man
This letter is something I wrote about three months after my father died. It's hard for me to read this letter; I was 26 and I think both my youth and my naiveté are pretty obvious, as well as my grief. I've changed a lot in the years since then. But I think this is a...
Grieving Futures: Part #17: The Happy Ending
We all want the Happy Ending, no matter how unlikely. I am still looking for it, and in the meantime, I own boxes and boxes of my parents' keepsakes that I do not know what to do with. They were a unique sort of pack rats, keeping documents more than things, so I have...
Grieving Futures: Part #16: Grieving Futures explained
I am always at a pain to explain the title of this book. It has had the same title, for the same reason, since I first toyed with the idea of writing it back in the late 90s. I have explained the title more times than I can count, and everyone likes it, and the...
Grieving Futures, Part #15: Recuperation
I have avoided using the word "recover" in this book, for several reasons. First, I do not want to present grief as some sort of temporary illness that will eventually go away with no lasting effects. Second, recovery in common usage is often linked to illnesses like...
Grieving Futures, Part #14: The Lonely Codependent
As they say, every unhappy family is miserable in their own unique way. While I was blessed with parents who truly loved and treasured me, they themselves were cursed with serious demons that impacted how they lived their lives, how they raised me, and even how they...
Grieving Futures, part #13: Paperwork and Ribbons
A friend of mine once commented disparagingly on car memorials stickers (where someone puts a tombstone text on the window of their car, e.g. "Sue York, 1942-1994, Loving Wife and Mother"), saying they were tacky and cheap. It is not something I would do (it would...
Grieving Futures, part #12: Life, Death, and Taxes
(...or, "It's All About the Money") Finances were another way I did the denial dance, but I have pulled it into this separate section because of all the long-lasting effects that the early death of a parent or parents can have on a young adult, money is quite possibly...
Grieving Futures, Part #11: Disintegration
While I was a full-time caretaker, I snuck out at night once or twice a week after putting my charges to bed and went clubbing. This was in the early to mid 90s, and the club scene was full of alt-rock and new wave and, after 1am, rave. It was a dance nirvana and I...
Grieving Futures, Part #10: Friends and Freakouts
After Mother died, I stood at the liquor store with my friend Shawn who had tripped over to visit me in my hours of confusion. She was experienced with the grief process herself, and was tolerant of my rather dissociated condition (I took to referring to myself in the...
Tragedy changes us; Patience tempers us; Fortitude keeps us going.
Lessons in grief, crisis, and recovery from 30 years of life as an adult orphan from a GenX woman who has resentfully struggled every step of the way.
