One of the worst platitudes is “everything happens for a reason.” The implication is that there is some grand plan out there, usually designed by some grand omnipotent being, that justifies why every horrible event happens.

As an atheist, I have always found this idea absurd. My parents didn’t die for a reason; there was no purpose to their deaths.

Yet, it cannot be argued that I am where I am today because of their deaths. I’d be someone completely different otherwise, I’m fairly certain of that. But they did not die so I could become who I am now. I will not, cannot, accept that.

What I think is true, though, is that we can create the purpose for ourselves. The grand plan is our own, we form it with our own hands. There was nothing purposeful in my parents dying when they did, or how they did, but I can look back and say that I am creating who I am and who I will be out of my experiences caring for them and mourning them.

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