As a non-deist and skeptic, I view “after life” as the yawning, endless time that is experienced by those of us surviving the loss of a loved one: We are living after the life of someone else has ended.

It’s an important role for us. We are all the after-life that the dead have; we hold on to the memory of that person and make it relevant. How we do that can vary from person to person and family to family but I think it’s better to do so consciously and with purpose. Sometimes reminders can hurt a lot, but to not remember is to lose that person completely. The act of remembering is in a lot of ways like cleaning a wound: sometimes unpleasant, sometimes painful, always necessary for healing.

What constitutes a healthy, meaningful after life? Here are a few suggestions:

1. A “sacred” space in your home where personal artifacts (jewelry, watches, etc.) and pictures of your loved one are grouped together. This can also take the form of a shadow box.
2. An annual memorial on the loved one’s birthday or deathday, taking the form that most resonates with participants and their memory of that person, such as meeting at the deceased’s favorite restaurant or rewatching their favorite movie.
3. Volunteering for your loved one’s primary charity or charity event
4. Random acts of kindness where you leave an anonymous “calling card” with only your loved one’s information on it (e.g. “This act of kindness done in the name of Sue Y., 1943-1996”)
5. Making donations to organizations like Kiva or Heifer International in your loved one’s name
6. Creating art (photographs, drawings, stories, poems) featuring elements of your loved one’s life, such as clothes or their home or their favorite vacation spot.
7. Writing a family-only memoir of your loved one’s life
8. Designing a music mix via spotify or 8trax or the old fashioned way (OMG MIXED TAPE CD) and sharing it with friends and family.

What other suggestions do you have, or what has worked for you?